Hit the Trail

Life seems to be a system of twisting and turning trails. Some seem to climb very rapidly and others descend with a great abrupt decline. I am amazed how one week the path I am on is so smooth with stunning views all around, only to change to rock strewn hard pack. To top it off it seems as though I am bare foot.

I set out years back to lose some weight. I began to educate myself on nutrition. I tried to be mindful of what was in the food I was eating. I soon developed the realization that for me, things in life were all or nothing. Later I began to exercises, and found a passion for mountain biking, hiking and later running and lifting weights. It was difficult for me to begin as I was so out of shape. Riding my bike up a hill one time I stopped with that familiar “I am going to die” feeling. It gave me anxiety, it made me depressed but it also fueled an incredible anger that I had allowed myself to be so unhealthy. That in turn spurred a yearlong addiction to everything fitness. Even to the point of being the kitchen Nazi. Again, my all or nothing personality raised its head. I have made jokes in the past about balance. Its it really possible? Is it possible to raise three children, work like you don’t need the money and keep your marriage vibrant while trying to remain healthy and fit? Or is balance more like a pendulum, its swings both ways. I am still trying to figure this one out. I have discovered that being to legalistic toward anything is a recipe for failure. Having said that, if I go all out, what will suffer as a consequence?

As we try to live selflessly it seems as though there has to be a moment for one’s self to indulge in their passions. If we don’t we will shake the champagne bottle until the cork blows off. We certainly do not want that. It is a struggle to resolve to the fact that I have to spend time with myself and God doing the things that make me smile, sharpening my axe so to speak. I can think of nothing better then to put on those shoes, tie the laces and take a deep breath as I step out on a new trail. Just a moment with myself, God and nature. Now where did I put my car keys?

Great Expectations

We all have expectations. Some of our expectations are cultural I suspect and others are formulated for many various reasons. The fact remains we still “expect” things. This lends itself to disappointment. When something or someone fails to fulfill our expectations we are frustrated, confused and often angry. Are we supposed to lower our expectations of others or ourselves? I think expectations are important if they are balanced with reality. That’s the hard part. My reality is obviously not that of others. I have been called a pessimist. I would like to think that I am pessimistically real. I try hard not to live in a world of fantasy and fairytales. Dreaming is fruitful and it helps us to aspire to greater things.  I do however believe it must be balanced with a large dose of reality.

Getting to the Top

We have all stood at the bottom of something and looked up. It seems a long way to the top. Self doubt, motivation (or lack thereof), physical and emotional limitations start weighing in. It pathetic but all have those perceptive filters that can completely debilitate us. A child learns to walk one step at a time. I have found that that first step is the toughest part. When I was beginning to mountain bike the hardest part was throwing my leg over the saddle and getting on the bike. I was scared of the pain and suffering of physical activity. You see the pain never really goes away; you just get faster and more efficient. Once you take the first step, then the second the third becomes that much easier….even if it is negligible.

My blog is about scaling mountains. The joy, the pain, and power to overcome the most simplest of hills to make it over. We all have them. Sir Edmund Hillary said “It is not the mountains we conquer but ourselves”.